Thanks for watching us last night, friends! Hope you liked our gotye cover. Would’ve been Better if i remembered to bring the body paint. Love u all. Dead on the Dancefloor reunion gave me chills and Chasing Claymores killed it with a skillet. thanks to my Jack’s Last Bullet shipmates for putting on a helluva show. til next time you rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves. and really bad eggs…
Dear Friend,
I can’t sleep so I am writing you this letter. I’m writing you this letter because there is no one to talk to at this hour. That’s not true. There are plenty to talk to at this hour but it would be at the risk of me being rude, and I don’t want to do that. Be rude. I was thinking about jogging, but it’s creepy to jog when it’s so dark out, especially with the witching hour fast approaching. You know what that is? The witching hour? I would tell you but I’m scared. Wikipedia it.
Websites, which should be regarded as proper nouns, are now widely accepted as verbs nowadays. Facebook it. Instagram it. YouTube it. Pornhub it. Google my ass.
I’m tempted to just keep typing until I literally fall asleep on the keyboard and all you see is just a bunch of jubmlllllllllldfdfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff zzzzz…!
What was that? Oh shit. What were we talking about? Or what was I talking about rather. As you are reading this, are you imagining my voice or yours? Does it have an English accent? Well now it does. Tally ho. Cheerio. Bullocks. Blimey. Euphagenia Doubtfire dear, I specialize in children’s education and entertainment.
Surpise!
This isn’t working, friend. I am still very much alive and wide awake. I can’t stay up. I need energy for tomorrow’s rock show. Or tonight’s rather. Semantics. Psycho Sematic Addict Insane. If you know what song that is in reference to then you really are someone I’d like to hang with because it means you are strange in the head. Like me. Shazam it.
Will you be there? Our rock show is at the 710 Beach Club at Pacific Beach. You should be there. I’m still deciding if I should go or not. I’ll know by the end of tonight. If there is an end.
Yours truly,
Charlie
p.s. my name’s not charlie
Hello. My name is Neil-Denny, uh, that’s my friend Domo. Say hi, Domo. “MEH!” Anyway I wanted to share with you a song I wrote. It’s called Hot Air Balloon and it’s, uh, about a feeling that I think, uh, alot of you can relate to. It’s just the need to want to disappear for a little while… um… I’m not talking about suicide or anything. Life is too precious to commit suicide but just um just taking a breather you know maybe like a mini-vacation just a little solitude is good for the soul sometimes… Soulitude. This song is called Hot Air Balloon. Hope you like it.
Not too long ago I went in for a job interview. It was for a lame job, but the dude was asking me some pretty heavy questions, too heavy for a job so menial, like riddle me this: why is a manhole cover round? Shit, I don’t know, so the Ninja Turtle shells can fit comfortably through them. The question that intrigued me most was, if there was a biography written about your life, what would the title be? I was caught off guard by that one. All the cliches came rushing through my brain: My Story, My Life, Story of My Life. To avoid something boring, I said something that surprised even myself when I said it… “Mister Embryo.”
As soon as it escaped my lips I thought to myself, what the fuck did I just say. The confused expression on his face was priceless. I explained to him how I drew a cartoon of a smiling fetus while I was bored during a high school spanish class, and how it sort of became my signature character. His eyebrows remained curled upward, still perplexed and unamused. I spun it and said, it could also be a metaphor for my own life, how no matter how old I get, no matter where I am in life, I will always be in an embryonic form of development, always looking for ways to better myself as a human being, always on the lookout for ways to make life more interesting and beautiful.
At last he nodded in approval and jotted in his legal pad.
I didn’t get the job, obviously. Still, I was satisfied with my response.
misterEmbryo. Always growing, changing, and improving.
Case in point: I saw a little boy at church, about one year old, staring at Mr. Fajota, the choir conducter, with watchful eyes, mimicking the movement of the baton with his hands. The little boy’s rhythm was impeccable. At first, I thought it was cute, but something unsettling also crossed my mind. This kid is competition. In 20 years time, he’ll have the potential to write songs that are better than my own. I have a 27 year head start, but is it really enough?
No, not when we’re all embryos anyway.
There are many characters in my life. Some come and go, but the ones that aren’t going anywhere are the ones I found in my head. If I think back real hard I can create a census of all the imaginary personalities I dreamed up over the years: from creatures of the unknown to heavyweight championship wrestlers.
Here they are in alphabetical order.
Bungee - a little boy who wore overalls and a saucepan on his head like Johnny Appleseed. I made him up for an in-class activity in the fifth or sixth grade in which we had to create a fake cereal brand.
Doc Virus, Phd. - my latest wrestler, making his debut this coming Wrestlemania. He’s set on bringing Bluejay (my little brother RJ’s wrestler) out of retirement for a match of the ages. Slogan: “SAVE IT!!!” Finishing Move: The Sickness (coughs in your face, and while opponent is stunned, delivers a super uppercut)
Dood - a cream puff with a blue nightcap, blue sneakers, and shades. His hands weren’t attached to him, they were just sort of suspended mid-air in front of him. Some how, some way, I convinced the student council to approve a design for our Senior Class shirts that included Dood flashing a peace sign on the back hahahaha it was so shitty looking.
Halo Bear - a bioluminescent animal I made up as part of a fake national geographic documentary. It was so called because a ring of fur at the crown of its head would light up in the dark. My little brother RJ’s fake national geographic animal was called the Fiery Owl (for a guy who is an admitted ornithophobe, he’s got a handful of imaginary bird characters).
Heatray - A superhero that was part of a team of mutants called Immortals: Electric Shock (created by Jared Lipscomb), Spindash (Patrick Favor), and Sonic Blade (Eli Menta). He was a humanoid flame character like the Human Torch only he couldnt turn the flame off. He could evaporate into smoke however, and traveled through the air as he pleased. He could also absorb heat from the sun and shoot it out in a heavy blast of solar energy. My archnemesis is Edge (Harold Cabalic) who makes holograms and forcefields.
Kuya Jun - the subject of a novel I’ve been working on, now nearing completion. Yay!
Max the Dolphin - Protagonist from the first story I remember writing. I was in the third grade. My teacher Mr. Yeoman really liked it. From then on, I wanted to be a writer.
misterEmbryo- my most recognizable of creatures. He is exactly that, an embryo. He has practically become my brand. I almost got a tattoo of him once. Thank God I didn’t, but I still love him.
Peacemaker - a really lame superhero I made up in the third grade. A buff dude with a giant peace sign on his chest. When someone is angry or sad, he shoots peace at them from his chest and makes them happy again. Come to think of it, he’s nothing more than a glorified care bear.
Viper- a.k.a. Super Snake, Viper is a WWE Legend; He has won every title there is: World, Intercontinental, Tag Team, and is proclaimed the greatest IC Title Holder Ever according to WWE Magazine and Wrestlezone.com. Slogan: “Like That?” Finishing move: The Blind Venom (if you’ve ever been hit with the blind venom you probably cried like a little girl)
Upon completion of this list, I have come to the conclusion that I am clinically insane. I am also under the impression that if you read this far, you are just about as crazy as I am, and if you don’t mind, misterEmbryo would like to take this opportunity to extend an invitation, a tea party with all the characters in your head. Just don’t mistake Dood for an actual cream puff. His biggest pet peeve is getting dipped in coffee.
