5 Events That Changed My Life in 2011
NUMBER FIVE: THE COUNTDOWN
New Years Eve 2010 was the first I celebrated away from the family. They flew out to Vegas while I stayed behind to spend it with my now ex-girlfriend Caroline. This was to be our first New Years together. The room was roaring with excitement as we started counting down from ten, this being the first New Years for many other couples in attendance. As luck would have it, or one too many shots of Patron, her dad accidentally changed the channel just as we approached the three-second mark. By the time, we hit the recall button, we were in 2011. Caroline cried. We didn’t get to kiss at midnight.
We still had fun though. With karaoke and endless tequila, how can you not? Still, the missed kiss proved to be a harbinger for something nobody ever saw coming.
NUMBER FOUR: JESSIE
I met a girl at work named Jessie. I had never paid any attention to her until she won the contest. At my now ex-job there was a running contest to see who could guess the exact number of specimens shipped to our laboratory that morning. Within just two weeks of her employment, Jessie guessed right. Nobody had ever guessed right and she was four hundred dollars richer because of it. I hadn’t fallen for her at that moment. I just saw her as that bitch who took all the money.
One night, we all went to happy hour at the Elephant Bar to get good and liquored up after a long day’s work. This was the first time I started to take notice of Jessie. She wore her hair up in a beautiful mess of a hive, like Marla from Fight Club having Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Between sips of her vodka-pineapple and drags of her cigarette she would drop witty lines that floored me. We laughed at her because she thought a Golden Shower was just a really enjoyable bath. At one point, I don’t know how it happened or if they even played the music, but me and Jessie ended up doing the electric slide right there in the middle of the patio. I hadn’t fallen for her at that moment. I just thought, man this bitch is a riot.
We sat across from each other in the office and whenever bored, which was quite frequent, we started emailing each other. At first, it was because we both had a bad case of diarrhea. We’d snicker every time one of us got up to use the potty. She described it as shards of glass coming out her ass. Then it turned into quoting entire scenes from Aladdin. Somehow we got to talking about our worldviews: religion, relationships, stem cell research (which at the time I had no idea dealt with aborted fetuses because I was always too busy watching Aladdin to watch the news), universal healthcare, and who’s better *NSYNC or the Backstreet Boys. We were forced to sit separately due to our increasingly insuppressible laughter and henceforth forbidden from emailing each other.
I hadn’t fallen for her at that moment. How could I? She’s an agnostic, she smokes, she owns a cat, she doesn’t eat red meat, and likes the Backstreet Boys. She also is obsessed with John Hughes movies, could quote more lines from Aladdin than me, does the Charleston like nobody’s business, can tackle a whole two-item combo from Panda Express all on her own, can take a SLAP to the face after losing a game of rock-paper-scissors, cooks a mean breakfast burrito, cried during Tangled, can write a sick verse for a battle rap, can’t go to bed without Liar Liar or Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the DVD player, has a Southern twang that makes an occasional appearance when she eats at “DINNY’S” instead of Denny’s and counts to “TIN” instead of ten, wears funny socks……..
NUMBER THREE: THE BREAK UP
This is the part where you judge me. Before I go any further let me ax you this: Why did you root for Jim and Pam? Jim was with Karen and Pam was engaged to Roy, yet you didn‘t view either them as bad people and in fact encouraged them to do what was in their hearts. You’re right, a television show doesn’t justify anybody’s actions, but seriously, why did you root for Jim and Pam??
I broke up with my girlfriend of six (or seven) years (on and off). That’s the thing. We never really knew how long we were together because things were always rocky and uncertain from the get-go. Whilst eradicating my room of memories I noticed letter after letter a reoccurring theme: SORRY. Things weren’t as picture perfect as they seemed. It only took one girl to spin my whole world around for me to see things more clearly.
The result was bittersweet. Bitter because I’ve lost touch with some really, really, really good friends, and understandably so. It was worse than bitter. It crushed me. In the end, it was sweet because I followed my heart: a feat that most don’t have the courage to do.
Courage or stupidity? Whatever the case, I have no regrets. Even when it came down to quitting my job.
NUMBER TWO: CERTIFIED BUM
I was drunk watching a punk rock band at the Ruby Room. As I looked up at the shiny guitars and banged my head to the thump of the bass drum, I had an epiphany. That’s what I want to do in life: make music. The Monday morning after, I put in my two-week notice.
What ensued was a golden era of inspiration and spirituality. On average, I’d write one song about every three or four months. During the past three months alone, with the time I’ve devoted to learning more about the craft, not to mention the heavy emotions that have come with recent events, I’ve been able to write upwards of fifteen songs. Church and prayer have also become a big part of my life. Dating an agnostic you’d think otherwise, but the questioning of my faith only strengthened it.
Yes, the life of a certified bum can be quite glamorous. I sleep, eat, drink beer, and scratch my balls when I want. Work on my writing when the flame of creativity strikes hot or play Super Smash Brothers when the flame burns out. Fart.
All good things come to an end however. The funds I’ve saved up from my last job are dwindling by the minute. In 2012, I have no choice but to return to the machine of modern society as a working man. But I wasn’t going to leave 2011 without a bang.
NUMBER ONE: ENDING ON A HIGH NOTE
On December 12, 2011 10pm at the Ruby Room, I put on a concert unlike anything I have ever done before: just me, a microphone, and an acoustic guitar tucked away in the corner of the bar for one whole hour. I played an entire set of fourteen original songs: from songs about hope and the death of a friend to songs about cuddling and hot, sexy, ass. It tickled me to see all the people who came to see the show, good friends old and new and a handful of strangers who decided to stick around. Of course, front and center stood Jessie, singing along to all the lyrics some of which I hadn’t shared with anyone else but her. On the surface, it was just an ordinary display of silly songs and drunken debauchery, but to me it was something more: full exposure more vulnerable than frontal nudity, my heart in a fishbowl. I shared a piece of my soul with everyone there that night.
THE END
Thanks to the Mayans we all think the world is going to end in 2012. I don’t know much about the Mayans but I do know about Mya. To quote the great Myan prophesy:
“Take me there. I want to go there. Take me there. Let’s go there. Just take me to that great place with wonders and wishes.”
Happy New Year.
See you there.
