Wild Gone Wild
Timing- it’s everything. The bloody nick on your cheek as a result of a careless shave, the extra nuzzle you squeeze in for the puppy before you leave for work, a fart, every tiny moment is a falling domino directing you towards an event that can very well change your life, or at the very least create a lasting memory.
Who knew that the deuce that I dropped in a KFC bathroom on the way to the zoo would eventually make me an official witness to wild and unabashed monkey porn?
The day was already pleasant enough. The animals weren’t shy on the guided bus tour. We caught the giraffes in the middle of a nice family supper. A warm cup of coffee kept us company as we waited in line to see the giant pandas. But nothing would prepare us for the impromptu peep show we were about to behold on the unforgettable Orangutan Trail.
When we arrived, the giant face of an insecure orangutan was pressed against the glass. He was looking into his reflection, grooming himself for the audience that was growing as we approached. Even this simple gesture was enough to earn our full attention.
However, his fifteen seconds of fame were exactly that. The spotlight was snatched away when a smaller and spunkier orangutan tumbled in from God knows where, leaping from branch to branch, cart-wheeling crazily across the grass. Caroline and I knew right away, that this was the man to follow.
After a couple more acts of flashy acrobatics, he stopped and spotted another orangutan basking in the San Diego sun, completely innocent, with its big beautiful bottom fully exposed.
He made no hesitation, swung on a vine, and mounted his prey. They did it doggy style. The rape victim tried to limp away, but nothing was going to stop the rapist and his mad sexual rampage. He pulled his prey back by the legs and continued the anal assault.
It was an X-Rated show for a G-Rated audience.
The kids squirmed and giggled, “EWWWWWW!”
The butt of the affair finally got away, but our porn star was unsatisfied. He lied right on his back, right against the glass, and started jerking away at his little monkey dick.
“EWWWWW,” screamed the immature ones, as I struggled to find a good angle for the video. As if the show wasn’t obscene enough, he stops for a moment, sniffs his fingers, and licks them.
“EWWWWWW!!”
Of course, we weren’t the only ones amused by this explicit display of sexual gratification. Soon after, a bigger and stronger orangutan hobbles over to the rapist. What happened next almost floored me. He bends down and gets a good grip on the masturbator’s crotch, and once he gets a good amount of monkey cum on his fingers, he smells and licks.
“EWWWWWW!!”
From this moment on, I knew: this was the best trip to the zoo ever. The rapist-turned-victim grabs a vine and makes a futile attempt to escape, but the bigger one is on a mission. He plucks him off the vine like a piece of fruit. With his powerful arms he pins his prey down to the ground, pries open its legs, and smothers his face in between.
“EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!”
One kid observed inquisitively, “Daddy, how do you know they aren’t wrestling?”
Daddy had no reply. Speechless, just like the rest of us.
